Trump crime family lawyer Rudy “Stunk Bait” Giuliani had a bad day today. That’s if he’s able to understand what the monetary damages jury just did to him a short time ago: they awarded plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss $148 million, with $115 million of that as punitive damages and for emotional distress. At first, Rudy apparently believed he’d been awarded $148 million, and his lawyer’s spent an hour, using a blackboard and Legos, to explain that, no, he had to pay that amount to the 2020 election workers. They had sought $47 million, but the eight-person jury tacked on $101 million more in a combination of Christmas season cheerful friendliness and justice for Giuliani’s unconscionable streak of defamation, which was still occurring during the monetary damages proceedings. Those outbursts likely cost him tens of millions of dollars. That’s a big hit to his check book, if he can find it.
“I’m not suggesting anything . . .”
Serial defamer Giuliani claimed that he is unable to pay the $148 million and “that ought to be the end of it. I could have paid it, mind you, but my check book was swiped in, of all places, the court. I had it this morning, and poof it was suddenly gone.” Reporters sympathized, themselves also short of cash to pay defamation damages. One ventured to ask, “Do you have any suspects in your investigation so far?”
“Well,” Rudy replied, “I was a prosecutor for many years, as you know, and I know a thing or two about crime, and how to identify criminals. In theft cases, you have to look at who would have a motive to steal. Might, theoretically speaking, the thieves who were unwilling to wait a day or two to collect a hugely unfair amount of money. You also want to know if the thieves were nonwhite women. And whether they were money hungry former poll workers who engaged in massive voter fraud in 2020 and then turned the world on its head and sued a man for defamation, a world renowned man, who did all he could to protect our country from election crimes.”
“Mr. Giuliani,” a reporter asked, “That’s quite a laundry list of attributes you’ve listed. I’m not a lawyer, or much of a thinker, but it seems like you’re blaming the plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss . . .”
“No, absolutely not! I’m merely exercising my first amendment right to speak out, to speculate. I simply suggested a theoretical criminal profile of who is most likely to be rotten, vote cheating thieves. I never said Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. I would not do that. That would be defamation. So shut up about it!” Rudy then cut off the press opportunity and began hitchhiking to his studio apartment in Five Corners.