Trump Contacts Me for Help Saving His Buildings from New York Seizure

I just received the text messages below directly from Donald Trump hoping to enlist me in his latest cause:

From Trump: TRUMP TOWER IS MINE!
Democrats want to SEIZE my properties.
Read my emergency memo: 24act.us/2wZM7W
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From Trump: KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF TRUMP TOWER!
Democrats want to SEIZE my properties.
See my emergency memo: rtwing.us/0MsJJn
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I’ll have to turn him down, but I understand his feelings. After all, he never got to keep the bouncy ball in kindergarten…