Left leaning political satire and serious analysis
I just received the text messages below directly from Donald Trump hoping to enlist me in his latest cause:
From Trump: TRUMP TOWER IS MINE!
Democrats want to SEIZE my properties.
Read my emergency memo: 24act.us/2wZM7W
stop=end
From Trump: KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF TRUMP TOWER!
Democrats want to SEIZE my properties.
See my emergency memo: rtwing.us/0MsJJn
stop=end
I’ll have to turn him down, but I understand his feelings. After all, he never got to keep the bouncy ball in kindergarten…
Well, I for one, never underestimate Donald Trump’s sense of a public moment. He’s baffled us consistently by his madcap lawyers’ often deft, delaying of his criminal trials. He knows how to capture the national spotlight; witness his courthouse steps news conferences. He’s a savant of the moment. So, I’ll not bet against him ponying up the $500+ million surety bond on Monday next.
From where, we ask. Many CNBC types ponder why billionaires don’t simply step up to the plate for their favorite stooge whose 2017 tax bill advanced their interests. Is there no gratitude in Scrooge McDuck world? Well, no there isn’t. Billionaires are tight-fisted, generally, and in Trump’s case, they don’t want too close a relationship given the scrutiny they’d suffer if they – singularly or as a group – helped him. The billionaire class is exceptional in its shyness. And their poor relatives, the cento-millionaires would be unable to raise or guarantee a surety bond of that amount without mortgaging their fortunes to a guy who, put kindly, is a scofflaw. The cento-millionaire peanut gallery, too, is notoriously shy about press coverage and, well, unlike cento-billionaires, they actually need to be repaid.
However, one unnoticed aspect of being a galactically wealthy entity is liquidity, i.e. , how much money is in cash and available, unencumbered. Most super wealthy people manage their fortunes in ways that keep most every penny in a state of being they call “at work,” a euphemism for fully invested. In practical terms they have little cash on hand. This means that to raise cash for a Trump bailout, a soft hearted guy like Elon Musk or one of the Waltons would have to liquidate (sell off) investments to raise cash. Selling $500+ millions of, let’s say, stock or bonds to rescue Trump would be noticed, and they, as we know, are a shy bunch. In addition, sales of large stock holdings would likely affect the sale prices of these holdings negatively, for example, a rescue package of $500+ millions for the Donald might inevitably lead to the donor losing money as the stock dropped in value as it was super-actively traded. Rich folks hate losing money, even small amounts, almost as much as they hate publicity and press scrutiny.
Nevertheless, Trump is predictable. He’s very likely got something up his sleeve that was, perhaps, signed, sealed, and (about to be) delivered weeks ago looking forward to a “surprise” revelation at the eleventh hour, for instance, this coming Monday. Where from, who from? Let’s not forget so-called “sovereign funds,” cento-billions of dollars held by countries, not individuals. For the right favors that a Trump as president could and surely would provide, he’d have the ear of financiers for the Saudi, or Dubai, or other sovereign funds. And a second Trump administration plans to destroy all governmental snoopers, like the FBI, the SEC, the DOJ, who might object on foreign relations grounds.
I hope I’m wrong, but I’m betting on Trump whose criminal mind knows no limits, and the enablers who will cover it up.
By now the news of the Trump New York empire’s imminent passing has spread throughout the world. “Teflon Don” could not withstand a nuclear bomb. Delivered yesterday by New York Judge Arthur Engoron, Donald Trump was blistered with a $454 Million dollar penalty for business shenanigans that would be cheered by the robber barons.
Many – well, actually, everyone – wonders how he will pay up, even his MAGA acolytes. Some ways he might include:
1. Borrowing $85 million from E. Jean Carroll for his agreeing to stop – really stop – defaming her on a daily schedule.
2. Kidnapping Jared Kushner and his two billion dollar war chest gifted him by the Saudi Arabia Sovereign Fund (if there’s anything still left of it).
3. Writing a check. That is discounted by nearly everyone for the obvious reasons, for example, does he even have a bank? If so, all agree his check overdraft bills are in the hundreds of millions.
4. Phoning any random collection of Saudi billionaires and promising them preposterous good things that that he’ll announce during his 2025 Inaugural Address, for example, move all U.S. NATO troops and equipment to Riyadh.
5. Purchasing $454 million on Amazon on Ivanka’s Amazon Prime credit card and then returning it all for cash. Also, kidnap her first.
6. Sponsoring a golf tournament with a $454 million prize with himself as the only contestant.
7. Ordering “my two eldest nitwit sons” to rob the World Bank with Barron acting a getaway driver. Also, kidnap him first from Melania.
8. Getting a loan from Satan, or his son, aka Elon Musk.
These are all longshots, of course. Suggesting he “work it off” as President is possible, but he doesn’t actually do any “work” other than cheating at golf. Nevertheless, no one ever accused Donald Trump of letting grass grow under his feet, and the news from Trump
Campaign HQ is that Mr. Trump will pay, and soon. He proposes an all cash payment of 454 million rubles which “Russian friends” have offered “for past, and future, services rendered.”
I’m not sure he’s thought this one through, though . . . 454 million rubles, when exchanged for U.S. dollars, is worth approximately 5 million dollars present exchange rates. That’s approximately 1% of what he owes. An embarrassed Trump spokesperson, explained, “President Trump observes that ‘454 million’ is the operative number and 454 million of any currency is, and I quote:
‘a lot of money and I know money. I did the math, and I had an uncle who was a physics professor at MIT, and this whole trial was a scam and witch hunt. And Engoron is a commie thug. And I fired my lawyer!'”
Donald Trump has grounded daughter Ivanka “pretty much forever,” he predicted. He explained that she’s been “acting up a lot lately, not being grateful enough to me, her favorite president, and needs time alone to change her ways.” The terms of her indeterminate “time out” are severe: no leaving her room; no cell phone, television, or other communications devices; no talking through her bedroom door to lawyers, judges, court representatives, or pizza delivery guys; no pizza; no sending or receiving mail, such as subpoenas; and other limitations too punitive to be reported here.
The timing of this is unfortunate as she is scheduled to testify on November 8th in her father’s ongoing civil trial. “This grounding means that she is not permitted to testify on the 8th except in the unlikely event that Mr. Trump releases her from her time out,” said Judge Arthur Engoron, the judge overseeing the case. “Moreover, there is no predicting when she will be released. We might be without her crucial testimony for weeks, months, or years. We are frankly dumbfounded. This court will not interfere with the important father-daughter relationship, however, we ask her to accede to Mr. Trump’s requests for numerous apologies with all deliberate speed, if not sooner.”
Mr. Trump’s spokesperson indicated that “Ivanka’s transgressions are severe and her time out must be severe enough for her to learn to be more grateful to the President. Time will tell, but we expect a long period of confinement. It is unfortunate she will miss providing testimony in the civil trial, but parental discipline trumps all other considerations.”
Trump’s latest descent into the mire whose depths he continually pushes toward infinity appeared yesterday on his vomit-inducing Truth Social with an attack on yet another innocent person. Trump posted a picture of Engoron’s law clerk with New York’s senior Senator Chuck Schumer, writing, “Why is Judge Engoron’s Principal Law Clerk, Allison R. Greenfield, palling around with Chuck Schumer?” Moreover, he referred to her as Schumer’s “girlfriend”: “Schumer’s girlfriend, Alison R. Greenfield, is running this case against me. How disgraceful!” Trump barged ahead, writing that, (therefore, of course), “This case should be dismissed immediately!!” Of course he treated his post as a motion to dismiss, “immediately!!”
There was immediate action and his faux motion to dismiss was itself summarily dismissed. Judge Engoron wasted no time. Trump’s post was quickly deleted pursuant to a court order wherein Engoron made clear that “personal attacks on members of my court staff are unacceptable, not appropriate.” Then the coup de grace, a gag order protecting his staff members and other court personnel. Trump did what a “never surrender” guy does, he quickly fled New York state to Florida, likely fearing his presence at his trial might at some future date (like tomorrow) result in a quick contempt order, and . . . arrest.
Let us unanimously pray that no one does (unlike in the 12th Century Thomas Becket affair). This is the judge that seems best to have the measure of the nature of Donald Trump. Only quick and meaningful repercussions for his psychopathology will strike home. In this case, send him scurrying from New York to his Mar-A-Lago cocoon/pacifier.
In fact, Engoron’s response might have been more cutting by pointing directly to one of Trump’s hallmarks, his blatant and indefensible hypocrisy. The judge might’ve added the Instagram posting below, to put a superbly fine point on the mind of the maniacal former disgraceful president: Trump on innumerable occasions palling around with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, a far cry from Chuck Schumer . . . Perhaps next time Trump beards the lion, Judge Engoron . . . Eff around and find out.
Yesterday, in New York City, Donald Trump and codefendants Donald Jr, and Eric, were found to have carried out decades of civil fraud in their business dealings. The judge found “that Donald J. Trump persistently committed fraud by inflating the value of his assets, and stripped the former president of control over some of his signature New York properties.”
This did not go over well within the Trump family. Today, filing in a New York City family court, the Trump brothers brought suit against their father for parental neglect for his failure to have “informed us he was running illegal enterprises.” In addition, they demand reimbursement of their Trump University tuition which did not prepare them for business in the “real world” and caused them to take on “exorbitant levels of student debt which they still are paying off through part-time jobs in a grocery store.”
“He hid all his dirty doings from us,” Don Jr. and Eric asserted, in unison, “but Ivanka – his precious Ivanka – was shielded from his machinations!” (They are suing her as well for that.) “We went to work faithfully each and every day, signing anything, saying anything he ordered us to. Apparently we were lied to. By our own father!” They plan to borrow attorney fees from Trump campaign funds, which they’ve been assured, “is perfectly legal.”