December 31, 2011
It’s cold today on Lake Superior’s Isle Royale, the Michigan island home of the Cardiac Life Extension Sandwich Association (CLESA). Since an unexpected warm spell last weekend, the group, some 125 strong, has conducted a surprisingly grueling period of sandwich testing, nutrition monitoring, and competition judging. In their “day jobs,” these doctors, scientists, bioengineers, and entrepreneurs, create, test, and market life-saving products. The CLESA has a three pronged mission based upon (1) “the constitutional right of all Americans to consume whatever sandwiches they desire,” and (2) “the constitutional right of all American food industry participants to provide whatever sandwiches they desire,” and (3) “the constitutional right of all Americans to have access to electronic devices to remedy the cardiovascular destruction due to (1) and (2).”
Therefore, CLESA is a think tank that provides research and product testing and development to enable the distribution of cardio-friendly devices like pacemakers and cardiac monitors directly to consumers. In addition, they provide manual and automated defibrillators that fast food industry merchants can place in their outlets for those times when customers need what they call “a heart jolt” to finish their sandwiches.
These recent advances in sandwich cardiology and basic research, particularly in nutrition science, have made meaningful contributions to an increasingly good “report card” of national heart health. CLESA applauds this, as we all do. To piggy-back this sandwich-related national cardiovascular health effort, they have today released the results of their first of what will be an annual competition, the year’s “Best New Sandwich.” This honored sandwich must best combine all the nutrition, taste, and health criteria that “best represents the interests of CLESA constituents in expanding the number of fast food sandwiches that they may consume without worry about cardiovascular issues and engage in their right to pursue happiness.”
“This award is dedicated to CLESA scientist Dr. Herbert Joneston, renowned cardiologist, who was revived from sudden cardiac arrest while consuming the prize-winning sandwich, pictured below, available at a Cardiac Garden restaurant near you.”
