Yesterday, Fox News’ Lisa Boothe and Charlie Hurt rightfully and courageously attacked our woeful communist Vice President Kamala Harris for hypocritically baking cornbread with a gas stove, an appliance upon which she and the libs have focused a lion-sized portion of their so-called policy demands. A recent list of their goals for a second Biden presidency highlighted the confiscation of gas stoves as second only to seizing all objects of any kind that might be used as weapons, including Play Dough, cotton candy, and North Carolina barbeque sauce. And the question we ask, endlessly: Why?
Lisa Boothe asked Charlie Hurt, the Washington Times journalist, just that question. Mr. Hurt, who recently took our battle against electric motor scooters to the enemy in his expose, “Saving the planet, one electric scooter death at a time,” had this to say about the Vice President’s sole motivation for the anti-gas stove jihad:
“I think because they hate us, they hate humans, they hate joyfulness, they hate pies, they hate good food. They hate. They want us all to be miserable. They want us to suffer because when we’re not suffering, if we’re not suffering, we are, you know, we’re making things, we’re creating things, we’re joyful, we’re doing wonderful things, everybody is happy, and that drives them crazy. Because they’re all miserable. They want all of America to be as miserable and unhappy and unloved as they are, and we are just not going to go along with it.” [emphasis added for a good reason]
Mr. Hurt’s words stirred up the usually morally and physically lazy libs. So much were their panties tied in a knot that they, as usual, emerged this morning with violent intent, just two days after Thanksgiving. And, there’s no way to sugarcoat this: This morning the radical left took their seething hatred of pies and good food to the streets. In a series of violent attacks on MAGA patriots in cities across the nation they savagely hurled weaponized pies at any and all MAGA targets, including women, children, and smallish men. They struck, leaving behind hundreds, if not millions, of those injured by whipped cream and large clumps of pie filling. Reports indicate that some victims on a low fat diet cling to life. Many, against their wills, resort to involuntarily ingesting the pie shards to avoid succumbing to sugar poisoning.
And do we wonder why? Do we?
On this day, November 25, 2023, a date which will live in infamy, do we wonder why? Their answer lies in their life-or-death struggle to confiscate our gas ovens, a demonic crusade that has transformed our country into a nation of warring camps. And today, in the sneakiest and most cowardly way, they emerged from their filthy communes with sneak attack on their agenda.
News is sketchy, but bad, and sadly we expect worse to come. MAGA bakers’ shops have come under attack as they bravely defend their day’s quota of pies. Communist Socialist Fascist Bakers Unions happily provide ammunition for violent lib rioters, thereby wasting valuable whipped cream and pie crusts; and they say they’re upset about what they call the “food shortage.” Here, at my newsroom our windows are smeared with fruit pie fillings, gelatinous whipped cream, and paper pie plates, dangerously cutting off our air supply. The birds that Democrats love enough to stop the building of a bridge for are stuck to the ground, wings and their tiny feet literally “caked.”
Until we can marshal our MAGA fighters we are defenseless. If you are brave enough to venture out of your basements, God bless you, the pies are drone powered and highly accurate. Wear full battle gear, carry oxygen bottles, wear military-grade goggles, and do not stand upright; crawl, crawl for all your courage can endure.
We solemnly promise we shall remain here in our newsroom keeping you informed until life returns to normal, should it take a thousand years. Courage. And, above all, stay safe.