Presidential pardon sales are among the allegations in Noelle Dunphy’s civil lawsuit against Rudy Giuliani with Rudy as Trump’s bagman. Ms. Dunphy alleges that Rudy asserted “that he was selling pardons for $2 million, which he and President Trump would split.” Even among the cornucopia of criminal violations ascribed to the two this would take pride of place in the government corruption Hall of Fame.
They Will Say ANYTHING! reporter-in-residence at Mar-A-Lago Marty Shultz was able to speak with the former president about this newest claim.
Shultz: “WTF, Mr. Former President?”
Trump: “It’s a witch hunt again. Look, look, look I don’t need the money, you know I’m a very wealthy individual. I have many deals pending, huge deals, all over the world, and, yes, I even help out some very nice people, good friends of mine, serving federal prison sentences inflicted by Democrat judges, who are very very corrupt, as you know. I’m only referring these poor people to lawyers in my stable, nothing more. Nothing. Free of charge. I’ve been through the ringer in the DOJackass system, and frankly I feel sorry for these people locked up and denied everything, even conjugal visits. Even with their own wives.”
Shultz: “But sir, WTF?”
Trump: “Listen. Listen, OK? No offense to Rudy but I’d never do a pardon deal for less that twenty million. And split it with Rudy? Why would I do that? That’d be illegal.”
Shultz: But if you sold a pardon that would be illegal, a breach of trust, corrupt, or something very illegal…”
Trump: “Listen. I could do a pardon with my presidential powers. I could do it by just thinking about it. Everyone knows that. Everyone says so. There’s nothing in the constitution stopping me. Show me the part that says so.”
Shultz: “Yes, there’s nothing explicit saying that you can’t sell pardons, but that’s because the founders never thought anyone would try it. Don’t you think?”
Trump: “No, I don’t think. I’m smarter than the founders. Smarter than the constitution. They didn’t say you couldn’t sell pardons because, and everyone knows this, they approved of selling pardons. Every president has sold them. And listen, I’m the first one to not sell pardons. I should get noticed for that, but nobody gives me credit for anything. Like the documents I took with me to Mar-A-Lago – and I had every right to do it – I get no credit…”
Shultz: “Credit? For what, sir?!”
Trump: “For not taking all the documents, all of them. Which I had every right to by just thinking about it. Next time I’ll sell pardons too. Everyone says I should.”