Ruh Roh! I don’t often take a position on important issues here. My role is to just act like nothing is wrong with anything. Nonetheless, we need to take seriously the growing incidence of canine drug abuse. Dogs get high! I’ve seen it. Our neighbor’s dog, for example, fetches the morning paper and runs off into the woods to smoke it. I’ve witnessed so-called guard dogs sound asleep for no apparent purpose during daylight hours. Many dog owners ignore this growing trend. Too many.
And it’s now getting worse. My research indicates dogs are now faking injuries to gain access to pain killers and, in many instances, to mind-altering anesthesia. These drug-seeking canines have learned to manipulate their human companions to set up needless veterinarian appointments by feigning everything from a severe limp to gas pains. Once in the doc’s office they literally beg for drugs, often seeking the quick “high” of cocaine-like pain killers. And they have no pain; it’s fakery, pure and simple. They sometimes seek surgery for fabricated stomach ailments simply to access the deeply hallucinogenic sleep phase followed by the “I see colors!” recovery state.
To investigate this, I’ve watched and analyzed dozens of YouTube videos. Dogs of all kinds, all sizes, all nationalities. All high. Mumbling, slobbering, wobbly, snorting highs, as the video above demonstrates; a golden retriever insensibly ignoring a tennis ball. “And what am I supposed to do with this?” asks his dumbfounded companion. Indeed.
The answer is simple but difficult to carry out: One must learn to notice when your canine friend is manipulating you. If, for example, he/she indicates a need to return to the vet four or more times per day, you have a manipulative dog, a dog reliant on demon drugs. If you find your Oreo cookies or ice cream stuffing Fido to the snout for no apparent reason, you have a drug sloshed dog. If Fido laughs out loud, again, for no apparent reason, well, by now you know, you have a manipulative, drug crazy mutt on your hands.
So, I hope the video of Hank begins a serious discussion of this worldwide emergency. Is it too late for Hank and his family? Witness his medical record. He was routinely “dizzy, disoriented, staggering left to right and falling over when trying to sit.” But the good news? Hank is now in counseling but with limited results thus far. In fact, his counselor is now in drug rehab so manipulated was he by Hank. Nonetheless, there is hope. As difficult as this problem is, veterinarians are learning to more fully examine canine patients to determine whether they are lying abut their injuries. Dog companions too attend workshops where they learn of the warning signs, such as playing with a kaleidoscope for hours on end. Dogs themselves are uniting to fight the good fight in Dogs Against Drugs campaigns.
If you are reading about this for the first time, be warned. Many will not learn of the sordid world of dog drug use. Police and other dog owners fear this may spread to their dogs, or worse, to squirrels and other woodland creatures. “We’re not too worried about cats, though,” said a Seattle Police Chief, “they’re pretty much high all the time, naturally.” I will update this posting as the story develops. For now, please take the opportunity to screen this video for your own canine, manipulative though he/she is.