In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonaparte
This story begins, “He kicked me in the balls as soon as I opened the door!” Who? What? When? Where? How? In this case the who, the kicker, was allegedly James Cashman, a Wayne County GOP official desperately trying to attend a closed committee meeting; the what is still unresolved since we’re in a he-said; he-said situation; the when was last Saturday, and the where was in Clare County, Michigan in a local hotel. The how is, allegedly, with his foot. His being Mr. Chapman’s. The groin in question was attached to Mark DeYoung, chairman of the Clare County Republican Party, who was hosting the closed meeting.
Balls aside, that was only the beginning, the Daily Beast reported the suit and tie demi carnage:
“DeYoung [claimed] that Chapman allegedly ran at him and slammed him into a chair. But Chapman swears that DeYoung started it, saying the chairman swung at him and said, ‘I’ll kick your ass.’ DeYoung denies those claims. Continuing the fight, Chapman removed his glasses and took DeYoung down by the legs. ‘When you see me taking my glasses off, I’m ready to rock,’ he said. Several officers were called to respond to the brawl. DeYoung, who said he’s being treated for a broken rib, said he plans to press charges against Chapman.” Moreover, They Will Say ANYTHING! can report, one of the few GOP party officials still standing chimed in as he ran out the door, “Next meeting, we’re renting out a hospital emergency room!”
Thus began – and apparently ended – a Michigan GOP state committee meeting. Oh! The humanity! The bout was reported as MAGA vs. Ultra-MAGA, no indication yet as to which cage fighter was which. We do know that Mr. “Ball Crusher” Chapman was suspended from his position pending a hearing to determine his fate, will he remain in the lightweight division or be kicked out of the sport completely.
Speaking of sport, “It’s a lucrative endeavor,” Michigan’s Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer pointed out when briefed about the fracas. “I understand that the state GOP is running in the red financially and, of course, politically. Their donors are cancelling the checks. So perhaps they ought to consider staging these crowd pleasing beat downs as pay-per-view opportunities to raise money. Who wouldn’t enjoy watching them knock each others teeth out?”
From Gov. Whitmer’s mouth to their ears. After all, this isn’t the first time this year that GOP insiders went head to head. Oh! The Humanity! Coming soon to ESPN and to a hospital near you.