Category: Naughty Pols

George Santos, Tired of the Legislative Branch, Planning Big for His Future

Michael Matheron2 Comments
Is that a Delta jumbo jet I see?

George Santos, far from being discouraged by the scathing report issued today by the House Ethics Committee, views the report as a chance to move into other areas where knee jerk lying and fraud is “easier to get away with, although I deny that I ever lied about anything.” One has to admire his ability to bounce back from situations that, by all measures, would drive most of us to leap off a bridge. Twice, just to be sure.

Mr. Santos let us in on some of his plans for life post-Congress, which he plans to begin tomorrow when the House isn’t in session. “I don’t want the embarrassment of my colleagues trying to convince me to stay on. I’ve been a reliable Republican vote on matters I simply don’t understand or care about, and the leadership likes that. A lot. But I am more than a legislator. I have many talents I now believe I can satisfy elsewhere. And what better time than now?”

Won’t you be constrained by the criminal charges you face, we asked. “You’re referring to charges of fraud and the like? Well, I’ve already been acquitted of those charges, so I’m free to pursue other dreams.” We had to say, “No, you haven’t been, and no you’re not.” But Mr. Santos continued, “I’m thinking of driving Delta Airline super jets on international flights, full time. My double major at Yale was in Phys Ed and Jet Flying. It’s time to use that darned degree and enjoy long layovers in foreign countries.” We can understand that; extradition treaties are very complicated. “Indeed,” he agreed.

George is not at all tired of winning!

We wondered, does he have any plans to continue a legislative career sometime in the future? “Well, in fact, I will certainly run for the Senate in 2024. I never liked Kirsten Gillibrand personally, from afar, and her positions on issues I’m sure are reprehensible to me.” We inquired, “Will you be able to fly commercial jets around the world and still be an effective senator? He took the question in stride, “Look, I’ve been flying for Delta since I assumed my seat in Congress in 2021 and I’ve done an astoundingly effective job at both legislating and flying, so I don’t see why I can’t do the same when I move to the Senate in 2025. Do you? And, after all, given the Senate’s yearly calendar I’ll be free and able to fly approximately 205 days per year. No sweat. The Senate is a part-time job.” On that, we heartily agreed.

BREAKING: House Ethics Committee Issues Report on George Santos

Michael Matheron1 Comment

Here is the findings section of what is a voluminous report. It can be found at the House Ethics site.

I. FINDINGS
On November 14, 2023, the Committee unanimously voted to adopt the Report of the Investigative Subcommittee (ISC), which is enclosed as Appendix A. The Committee also unanimously voted, pursuant to Committee Rule 28, to refer to the Department of Justice (DOJ) substantial evidence that Representative Santos: knowingly caused his campaign committee to file false or incomplete reports with the Federal Election Commission; used campaign funds for personal purposes; engaged in fraudulent conduct in connection with RedStone Strategies LLC; and engaged in knowing and willful violations of the Ethics in Government Act as it relates to his
Financial Disclosure (FD) Statements filed with the House.


Amid a deferral request from DOJ and Representative Santos’ obfuscation and delay, the ISC expeditiously compiled a voluminous record consisting of over 170,000 pages of documents and testimony from dozens of witnesses, including financial statements, contemporaneous communications, and other materials. That record demonstrated the breadth of Representative Santos’ misconduct. As discussed in the ISC’s Report:

  1. Representative Santos sought to fraudulently exploit every aspect of his House candidacy for his own personal financial profit.
  2. He blatantly stole from his campaign.
  3. He deceived donors into providing what they thought were
    contributions to his campaign but were in fact payments for his
    personal benefit.
  4. He reported fictitious loans to his political committees to induce
    donors and party committees to make further contributions to his
    campaign – and then diverted more campaign money to himself as
    purported “repayments” of those fictitious loans.
  5. He used his connections to high value donors and other political
    campaigns to obtain additional funds for himself through fraudulent
    or otherwise questionable business dealings.
  6. And he sustained all of this through a constant series of lies to his
    constituents, donors, and staff about his background and
    experience.

    Representative Santos continues to flout his statutory financial disclosure obligations and has failed to correct countless errors and omissions in his past FD Statements, despite being repeatedly reminded by the ISC and the Committee of his requirement to do so. The ISC also found that, despite his attempts to blame others for much of the misconduct, Representative Santos was a knowing and active participant in the wrongdoing. Particularly troubling was Representative Santos’ lack of candor during the investigation itself. At the outset of the review, Representative Santos was given an opportunity, pursuant to Committee Rule 17(b), to submit a signed written statement responding to the allegations raised in a complaint filed by his fellow Members; he did not do so. The ISC requested that he provide all documents and information responsive to its Request for Information; he did not do so. The ISC asked him to voluntarily testify; he did not do so. The ISC also provided him the opportunity, pursuant to Committee Rule 19(b)(3), to provide a statement under oath, but he did not do so. Representative Santos’ repeated public statements that he would like to prove his innocence and is cooperating with the ISC’s investigation are belied by his consistent failure to meaningfully cooperate with the ISC’s review. The ISC and the Committee have now completed their review of the allegations and charges and have amassed overwhelming evidence of his misconduct. This evidence is summarized in the ISC’s Report.2

Bernie Sanders Challenges Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to a Fight

Michael Matheron2 Comments

The MAGA guy you see on the left is United States Senator Markwayne Mullin, Oklahoma’s Cherokee Nation American, martial arts enthusiast, elected in 2020 to fill retiring Senator Jim Inhofe’s final four years. And that picture on the left is on his campaign site, prominently displayed at the top of his “Issues” page. He’s demonstrating that armed with an arsenal that could mess up a company of Green Berets, he would make an excellent senator. He won. It’s Oklahoma. So, apparently, to improve on his constituents’ expectations of a well-armed MAGA fanatic, the senator rather pointedly invited a Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee witness to a fistfight, in the committee room, no less, based upon a beef he had with the witness over a social media dispute, no less.

His intended target was a tough cookie himself, International Brotherhood of Teamsters president Sean O’Brien. Yes, he challenged a Teamsters boss, a former rigging industry heavy-equipment driver. But Mullin knew he had an advantage, a condition which the MAGA-man looks for in every physical confrontation, like outnumbering an opponent by five to one. Mullin’s advantage here was his status as a former professional mixed martial arts fighter with a record, he claims, of five wins, no losses, back in 2006-2007, although official records indicate three wins, no losses. Brief career, but martial arts is a moveable feast. Nonetheless, he believed he could easily beat down Mr. O’Brien.

He also believed someone would intervene. It was a committee meeting, in a splendid committee room. He would not have challenged O’Brien if he didn’t 1) believe he could smack him down, and 2) believe some external agent would intervene before a single blow was launched. Thus the MAGA-man. Tough talk, big hat, no cattle. Well, someone, a singular entity, did intervene, the anti-MAGA rough and ready supernova, Bernie Sanders. His voice was all he needed, and the brouhaha was aborted:

“Stop it,” Sanders said. “Sit down. Sit down.” The would-be combatants continued chirping at one another while Sanders, 82, sternly pointed for Mullins to return to his seat, which he did reluctantly. “You’re a United States Senator,” Sanders chided. “God knows the American people have enough contempt for Congress,” Sanders said. “Let’s not make it worse.”

Apparently, a fistfight with Sanders using the weapon of language was something that overawed and outmatched Mullin’s. He sat down. MAGA-man. This is how they threaten. This is how, most often, they follow through.

Lauren Boebert Update – Inconvenient Facts

Michael Matheron1 Comment

Yes, her again. In her Beetlejuice fiasco apology, Rep. Lauren Boebert lied about an important aspect of her “date night” at the musical Beetlejuice, akin to an inconvenient fact. As a general rule, lying when you’re professing to tell the truth is a bad idea. This is doubly true for Lauren Boebert, a habitual liar; her lies are easily fact-checked. Inside and out of the Capitol building she tells whoppers. Moreover, lying when issuing a statement seeking sympathy adds another dimension to just plain lying – stupidity (which she’s famously done before). If, like Boebert, you are in the professional class of liars, one must be vigilant: don’t lie stupidly. As we wrote about Trump here, that makes things significantly worse, witness Seinfeld’s George Costanza.

In this case, her apology gave the clear impression that her date at Beetlejuice was a casual affair, seemingly a first date. She gave credence to that by avowing, with a tinge of humor, “I learned to check party affiliations before you go on a date,” as in, “I didn’t know he was a Democrat.” In fact, she knew him and his party of choice quite well: Quinn Gallagher, 46, a Democrat and co-owner of Hooch Craft Cocktail Bar which has hosted drag shows and pro-LGBTQ+ events. Importantly to this saga, they had been dating for some time, “under the radar.”

Seriously?

Is this worth grousing about? Well, yes, a qualified yes, let’s not get carried away. Her lie is small compared to her still active lies about the 2020 election, and LGBTQ+ “grooming.” What’s important here is that Boebert lied about her relationship with Gallagher. Why hide it? Was it due to his co-ownership of a bar that hosts drag queen shows and LBGTQ+ events? She’s no friend to that community, having said this about the Equality Act :

Inconvenienced

It’s likely that she didn’t want any inconvenient facts to muddy her somewhat humorous apology to her constituents. So, she reflexively lied about the relationship with Gallagher by styling it like a first date simply to try to bury the other, more politically dangerous, inconvenient fact that her date co-owns an LGBTQ+-friendly bar. Some of her constituents may not applaud her for that, and her bid for reelection is none too certain already. She’s been, overall, an embarrassment, now this. In 2022 she won by a mere 546 votes, and in late August polls show her in a dead-heat with her challenger, Adam Frisch.

And as mentioned above, it’s stupid lying, easily uncovered by simple googling, and that is why it matters more than a garden variety white lie. She ought to be careful, in a close reelection race, all lies are worthy of careful vetting.

Indicted on Bribery Charges, Democratic Senator Bob Menendez Enters Unusual Plea

Michael Matheron1 Comment

Yesterday, Senator Bob Menendez (D-NJ) and his wife Nadine were indicted on three federal charges of accepting bribes. The bulk of these were to assist securing Egyptian foreign aid which, as chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee, Menendez was well placed to influence. Gifts included cash, gold bars, payments towards a home mortgage and gifts from three New Jersey businessmen.

The senator wasted no time in seeking out reporters:

I haven’t got a clue . . . . . . . .

“These charges are a complete surprise. I categorically deny they are not a complete surprise. In fact, I plan to enter a plea today and I plead that I know nothing about all of this, you’ll have to ask my wife. She alone will know the facts. I have little to do with household matters.

For example, I hear that hundreds of thousands of cash dollars were found in our home. Well, I only wish I had known that. I could have used some of that. With the small weekly allowance Nadine provides I owe half the Senate lunch money and bus fares! Today I borrowed $15 for lunch from the cheapskate Rand Paul, of all people. Believe me, Nadine and I have a lot to discuss when I get home tonight, like where’d she meet all those Egyptians? I do wish her well, however, and will stand by her side all the way to sentencing. I’ll have more to say after she’s arrested. Thank you.”

In these days of rampant corruption it is refreshing to encounter complete transparency. Good luck, Senator Menendez!

Rep. Lauren Boebert Introduces Bill to Allow Her to Vape, Sing, and Dance at Musicals

Michael Matheron3 Comments

Rep. Lauren Boebert has had enough of people interrupting her when she exercises her constitutional rights. And after recently being escorted out of a Denver performance of the musical “Beetlejuice” for “disruptive behavior” she’s doing something about it. Introduced this morning, the Unleash Lauren Boebert Act (ULBA) was accompanied by a spokesperson’s explanation:

Lauren Boebert attends the musical “Oklahoma!”

“Congresswoman Lauren Boebert today introduces legislation to enforce her constitutional rights. The abrupt and illegal way that she was escorted out of a Bettlejuice musical performance has shocked the nation. Let’s review the reason for this unconstitutional outrage. She and her date were simply enjoying the musical in the same way we all do: by vaping, singing along with the music, clapping in rhythm, and energetically dancing while showing her appreciation of the cast by shouting ‘Whoop! Whoop!! Whoop!!!’ When she happily attempted to join the cast onstage, security thugs directed her to leave the theater. Not wanting to cause a disturbance she and her date quietly complied.

The Unleash Lauren Boebert Act, or ULBA, will forevermore enforce Ms. Boebert’s right to happiness, as set out in the Declaration of Independence. In addition, it reinforces her first amendment right to free speech and dance, however lewd, loud, and inappropriate according to freedom hating communists. Freedom means freedom, especially since no physical injuries were inflicted on members of the audience. This legislation will allow the congresswoman to behave in a way that she believes leads to her happiness. This includes all federal, state, or community theaters for any performance where she is present including memorial services, grade school plays, church performances, and State of the Union speeches. Violations will include fines and considerable jail time. Ms. Boebert demands that the mealy mouthed Speaker of the House move this to a vote without delay, or else. Mr. Speaker, unleash Lauren Boebert! Thank you. I will take no questions, absolutely none.”

Mark Meadows Seeks to Have His Georgia Election Case Moved to Traffic Court

Michael Matheron1 Comment

Mark Meadows, Trump’s alleged henchman in the effort to illegally reverse his 2020 loss in Georgia, got some bad news a day ago: his effort to have his case moved from Georgia to federal court was denied quickly and summarily by the local Federal District Court. Meadows’s reasoning was that his actions in the event were, in brief, part and parcel of his job as Chief-of-Staff. Under federal law, he argued, his case belonged in federal court because the law “allows people charged with crimes while carrying out their official duties to be prosecuted in federal court, even in cases involving state law and state prosecutors.” Thereby, he thought, his case would be immediately dismissed, and then, back to writing his memoirs. The district court thought otherwise about his characterization of state election interference as merely part of his job as Trump’s Chief-0f-Staff.

Meadows, his chances of moving to federal court diminishing (he did appeal to the 5th Circuit Court), thought of an off-ramp that would allow a Georgia court to decide his case but not the court where prosecutor Fani Willis awaits him. His spokesperson explained:

“At the outset, we maintain that the charges placed against Mr. Meadows are relatively minor, a few phone calls to friends in Georgia, casual discussions really. A text message or two. A friendly visit to the state. These are not felonies regardless of what the state’s laws might imply. At best, they are minor matters much like routine traffic offenses.

Therefore, Mr. Meadows is today filing a lawsuit in the local Fulton County court to have his trial removed to the Fulton County Traffic Court. There Mr. Meadows will admit he accidentally veered out of his lane, thereby crossing briefly into the path of oncoming traffic. Perhaps he was distracted by his cell phone. We all have this happen. Every day. I myself had to take a call on my drive to court today. I barely missed squashing an elderly nun in a crosswalk, but my point is, I missed her and she went on about her day as if nothing had occurred. No blood, no foul.

Suppose we were all held accountable for each minor bit of accidental reckless driving in the wrong lane or a pedestrian crosswalk? Why, all of us would be in court every day! Calls would go unanswered, national commerce would shut down, dogs and cats would go hungry, children would panic, our elders would fall out! We look forward to a speedy resolution of the matter in traffic court, and are prepared to accept the small fine imposed for what was, at best, a momentary glitch in Mr. Meadows’s sterling driving record.”

Donald Trump Takes Over Presidency of His Nursery School Class

Michael Matheron1 Comment
Presidential Portrait

On her first day as teacher of Donald Trump’s nursery school, 21 year old Annie Kirkman, reluctantly crowned him as class president, vice president, attorney general, and chief justice of the class judicial system. She also agreed to designate him as “boss” of all rules, homework assignments, Lego use permits, and recess.

Annie Kirkman and Class Assistant Susan Meadows

“He was just so orange, and so charismatic and, well, psychopathic, I really had no choice,” said Miss Kirkman who was surrounded by his henchpersons wielding heavy Legos and juice cups. “And he threatened to fire me on the spot, and replace me with my class assistant, so what could I do? Also, four out of ten pupils supported him, and that, with me and my assistant, makes a majority. My nursery school is a democracy!”

“He chased me around the classroom,” reported Class Assistant Susan Meadows, “yelling things I’d only heard before from yucky 40 year old creepy men. Of course, I fully defend his first amendment right to express himself!”

Detention Master Valenti

Trump reported Miss Meadows for insubordination to the Commandant of the Corps of Cadets, Tony Valenti, who gave her a full week of round-the-clock detention in his office at the New York Military Academy where she will perform duties related to his needs.

Master Trump’s presidential portrait does indicate a certain determination and level of psychosis that promises just the right mix to lead a nursery school in the 21st century. We wish President Trump and the New York City Military Academy Nursery School Class of 2023-24 well!

Rudolph “Big Rudy” Giuliani Invokes Trademark Law to Stop Georgia from Using It Against Him, but Has “Plan B”

Michael Matheron2 Comments

Georgia prosecutor Fani Willis deployed the RICO law in her indictment of Trump and 18 others for 2020 election fraud. The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act is a powerful tool in cases where persons commit a variety of crimes under the leadership of an individual, something akin to a Crime Corporation. Best known for mob convictions, it can reach across layers of underlings right to the top of the organization. See here for important details about Georgia’s RICO law. In the mid 1980s, as U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, Giuliani used RICO to convict the heads of mob families. At his height he took down the bosses of three of the “five [Mafia] families.” He was a trailblazer.

On Wednesday, the trail looped back on itself and ended at Rudy’s front door when he was himself indicted under Georgia’s RICO statute, and a supercharged RICO Act at that. With his group of 19 alleged Crimes-R-Us corporation, “Big Rudy” now faces 18 counts, including  including violation of oath by a public officer, making false statements, conspiracy to impersonate a public officer and forgery.

Last night a furious Big Rudy told Eric Bolling, Newsmax’s resident crackpot, “This is a ridiculous application of the racketeering statute,” Giuliani bragged, “There’s probably no one that knows it better than I do. Probably some know it as well, but I was the first one to use it in white-collar [crimes].” Indeed he does know RICO; he earned the association of RICO with his name.

Shortly after the Newsmax interview, Rudy Giuliani contacted our nightshift reporter, Nick Schultz. He had some news. He’d “fired a shot across the bow” of Georgia’s Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis when he claimed trademark infringement.

“I alone pioneered the use of RICO and I’m known around the world as RICO Rudy! So my name has become synonymous with RICO.”

Our reporter pointed out that “even bad publicity is good publicity, so your RICO indictment only puts a shine on your trademark.”

Big Rudy: “Like hell it does! They’re using my trademark to put me in jail! Are you that dumb.”

Schultz: “Hey, I’m asking the questions here!”

Big Rudy: “No, no, Big Rudy’s asking the questions whenever he wants! I have my methods . . .”

Schultz: “OK OK No need for mob tactics. ‘Yes, I am that dumb.'”

Big Rudy: “OK. So, here’s your big news: Tomorrow I’m demanding that the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board issue an injunction forcing the Georgia courts to not infringe my RICO trademark. Also, Georgia must immediately desist from carrying forward this idiotic election law case against me under my own RICO statute, which I own. And arrest Fani Willis for being the mob boss she is!”

Schultz: “That’s a big ask, governor.”

Big Rudy: “I decide what’s a big ask. And I was a mayor, a mayor, of New York City, you brainless fish tail!”

Schultz: “But what’s your plan B? Lawyers always have a plan B.”

Big Rudy: “If on the small chance the court dismisses my case . . .”

Schultz: “For lack of a brain . . .”

Big Rudy: “Look kid, I will end you if you insult America’s Mayor again. But I’ll give you my plan B. If my case is dismissed I’ll offer my RICO expertise to the prosecution. I’d need to be paid, of course, and dropped from the indictment. But I know RICO like the back of my dentures. They’d be foolish to refuse. They wanna win, don’t they? I’ll bring each of those defendant bums down! Especially the orange colored guy at the top!”

Big Rudy promptly hung up his phone. However, we here at They Will Say ANYTHING! are here to prove that they will, say, well . . . anything. And Big Rudy did.