Tag: George Santos

Fabulist George Santos to Run for New York Senate!

Michael Matheron1 Comment

“In some way, I think we all bring things on ourselves, right? Would I have not said certain things, would I have done things differently? Absolutely. I’m an adult and I’m mature enough to acknowledge that.”
Appearance today on FOX News before the expulsion vote

Cancelled!

The fate of George Santos is sealed, as in the closing of a coffin. The House voted this morning to place Santos to rest.

Today’s expulsion vote ›

AnswerDemocratsDem.RepublicansRep.TotalBar chart of total votes
Yes206105311
No2112114
Present202
That’s significantly more than the two-thirds majority to expel him, in fact, it’s nearly three-fourths of the members voting.

Source: Office of the Clerk, U.S. House of Representatives

By any measure his political burial would bring others up short, they’d seek a hiding place far underground, literally in a cave. Nonetheless, we know that Santos has a few praiseworthy qualities: he lies with verve, he plays the victim with bravura, and he’s a guy who is so outrageous that the betting here at They Will Say ANYTHING! is that he will somehow rise from the cold, cold ground, and soon. Expulsion was not, perhaps, a stake through the heart.

Just two weeks ago he told us that if expelled from the House, he’d run for the Senate and we believe him; we’re that gullible and in need of stuff to write about. Nevertheless, he spoke to us this afternoon about his Senate master plan, and to us it appears doable, especially given the political state of play these days.

Earlier today Mr. Santos told reporters after the expulsion vote: “It’s over. … They just set a dangerous new precedent for themselves,” apparently hinting that he’d be back to haunt them. “Yes,” he told us, and swore us to “secrecy” that we obviously define differently than most news outlets. In any event, “My plan is to haunt them from the Senate as of 2025, after I clear up the 20 some odd criminal indictments that Biden is persecuting me with. I’ve got a long list of House members that I can throw under the bus and DOJ will not want my accusations made public. So, it should take about a week to weasel out of the wrongful indictments, and then I’m free as a bird!”

That’s Fabulist, Not Psychotic Fibber!

But, it occurred to us that, yes, he could do that, but how would that help his proposed Senate bid? We observed, “Voters have short memories, indeed, but a few days might be pushing it, Mr. Santos.” He chastened us.

“I’m not new to this. I have, for some time now, been celebrated by the media as a fabulist, an honorific title. Long gone is the term liar. No, I’m a Pied Piper of tales of grandeur, a Don Quixote tilting at windmills, a public hypnotist, one endowed with even more powers than a mere psychotic liar and fraud. I’m beloved now, beloved, like C.S Lewis or J.R. Tolkien. Everybody likes a good fairy tale and I’m the very best.”

We could not agree more. Call us fabulists, but we’re betting on Santos! That’s Senator Santos.

George Santos, Tired of the Legislative Branch, Planning Big for His Future

Michael Matheron2 Comments
Is that a Delta jumbo jet I see?

George Santos, far from being discouraged by the scathing report issued today by the House Ethics Committee, views the report as a chance to move into other areas where knee jerk lying and fraud is “easier to get away with, although I deny that I ever lied about anything.” One has to admire his ability to bounce back from situations that, by all measures, would drive most of us to leap off a bridge. Twice, just to be sure.

Mr. Santos let us in on some of his plans for life post-Congress, which he plans to begin tomorrow when the House isn’t in session. “I don’t want the embarrassment of my colleagues trying to convince me to stay on. I’ve been a reliable Republican vote on matters I simply don’t understand or care about, and the leadership likes that. A lot. But I am more than a legislator. I have many talents I now believe I can satisfy elsewhere. And what better time than now?”

Won’t you be constrained by the criminal charges you face, we asked. “You’re referring to charges of fraud and the like? Well, I’ve already been acquitted of those charges, so I’m free to pursue other dreams.” We had to say, “No, you haven’t been, and no you’re not.” But Mr. Santos continued, “I’m thinking of driving Delta Airline super jets on international flights, full time. My double major at Yale was in Phys Ed and Jet Flying. It’s time to use that darned degree and enjoy long layovers in foreign countries.” We can understand that; extradition treaties are very complicated. “Indeed,” he agreed.

George is not at all tired of winning!

We wondered, does he have any plans to continue a legislative career sometime in the future? “Well, in fact, I will certainly run for the Senate in 2024. I never liked Kirsten Gillibrand personally, from afar, and her positions on issues I’m sure are reprehensible to me.” We inquired, “Will you be able to fly commercial jets around the world and still be an effective senator? He took the question in stride, “Look, I’ve been flying for Delta since I assumed my seat in Congress in 2021 and I’ve done an astoundingly effective job at both legislating and flying, so I don’t see why I can’t do the same when I move to the Senate in 2025. Do you? And, after all, given the Senate’s yearly calendar I’ll be free and able to fly approximately 205 days per year. No sweat. The Senate is a part-time job.” On that, we heartily agreed.

Congresscrook George Santos in Line to Chair House Financial Services Committee “If the Money is Right”

Michael Matheron1 Comment

“I Can Be Had, Retail, Not Wholesale”

Yes, I’d do it, but not for the money they pay me now. No way, Jose . . . .

Speaker Pro Tem Patrick McHenry is strongly considering Rep. George Santos to fill his Chairman’s slot on the House Financial Services Committee, according to various Santos spokespersons who requested anonymity. “This is part of a program initiated by Speaker Pro Tem McHenry to assist those GOP congresspersons who are actively being persecuted by the Johnson-Carter-Clinton-Obama-Biden weaponized Department of InJustice,” Santos spokespersons asserted.

Speaker Pro Tem McHenry himself angrily commented, “Such talk is absolute nonsense!” Nonetheless, reporters unanimously refused to believe him and chose to credit Santos spokespersons because, as an AP reporter put it,

“Santos has nothing to lose by telling the truth this time, he knows a rebound opportunity, and, frankly it makes sense, 118th Congress sense. Mr. Santos understands financial matters and has been credited with the most creative financial transactions in modern finance. Just read his indictment collection. Think Milken, Madoff, and Trump. Breathtaking.”

“He’s Utterly Likeable in a 118th Congress Way

“It’s true,” an anonymous McHenry staffer reluctantly admitted, “He even monetized a veteran’s sick dog! Something genius there. So pragmatic, especially when desperately needed and wanted money. He even used donors’ credit cards, with their implicit assent, to purchase the snazzy apparel he’s known for. My God, he made up out of whole cloth fake loans that somehow through financial legerdemain to eventually show up in his campaign coffers as actual spending money. God knows how he did it. All things considered, he may well be among the hallmarks of this Republican Congress. As hateful as he is, as despicable as he is, he’s got pizazz, and pizazz is money in the bank.”