“I Can Be Had, Retail, Not Wholesale”
Speaker Pro Tem Patrick McHenry is strongly considering Rep. George Santos to fill his Chairman’s slot on the House Financial Services Committee, according to various Santos spokespersons who requested anonymity. “This is part of a program initiated by Speaker Pro Tem McHenry to assist those GOP congresspersons who are actively being persecuted by the Johnson-Carter-Clinton-Obama-Biden weaponized Department of InJustice,” Santos spokespersons asserted.
Speaker Pro Tem McHenry himself angrily commented, “Such talk is absolute nonsense!” Nonetheless, reporters unanimously refused to believe him and chose to credit Santos spokespersons because, as an AP reporter put it,
“Santos has nothing to lose by telling the truth this time, he knows a rebound opportunity, and, frankly it makes sense, 118th Congress sense. Mr. Santos understands financial matters and has been credited with the most creative financial transactions in modern finance. Just read his indictment collection. Think Milken, Madoff, and Trump. Breathtaking.”
“He’s Utterly Likeable in a 118th Congress Way
“It’s true,” an anonymous McHenry staffer reluctantly admitted, “He even monetized a veteran’s sick dog! Something genius there. So pragmatic, especially when desperately needed and wanted money. He even used donors’ credit cards, with their implicit assent, to purchase the snazzy apparel he’s known for. My God, he made up out of whole cloth fake loans that somehow through financial legerdemain to eventually show up in his campaign coffers as actual spending money. God knows how he did it. All things considered, he may well be among the hallmarks of this Republican Congress. As hateful as he is, as despicable as he is, he’s got pizazz, and pizazz is money in the bank.”
ROFLMAO. I never before considered the creative genius that is Santos. Now normally you’d think imagination and finance don’t mix, but . . . Genius goes where no person has gone before.