Trump Demands Change of Venue to His Favorite Place, or to Scotland.

Following his arraignment today, Donald Trump declared on Truth Social that he’d enjoyed his “very good day,” especially since he was forced to “fly to a filthy, dirty, falling apart, & very unsafe Washington, D.C.” He didn’t mention that, as far as it’s true, the “filthy, dirty, falling apart, & very unsafe Washington, D.C.” was essentially on his watch. Nonetheless, for all but the certifiably loony, he did not have “a very good day,” in fact, if his brain were functioning he’d know his day pissed all over him. Shouts of “lock him up” rained on him by the bucketful.

Many details trouble him. The accusations are, of course, the most troubling. The fact that he cannot pardon himself “just by thinking about it” also rankles. He cannot escape to Cancun in some sort of orange-colored disguise, although he still has a passport, so we’ll wait and see. He doesn’t like the judge, the bailiff, the court reporter, the concession stand, the lack of a swimming pool, and there’s no putting green. He wants and needs this trial to be televised since he’s most comfortable at a circus.

In effect, he simply doesn’t like the idea of the whole thing. He asked his “blood sucking lawyers” to request a change of venue, from D.C. to West Virginia, among his “soul peers” where a friendly jury awaits. This request was found guilty and summarily dispatched, by his own blood-sucking lawyers.

Undaunted, the offensive defendant quickly suggested another venue from a long list of alternatives, one that, he said, “would be a win-win, although I detest win-wins where I have to share.” He pointed out that Mar-A-Lago would be a pleasant venue for all involved. “Fine dining, free; two or three swimming pools that are the best ever built; a large ballroom, the very best for a trial; a holding cell more luxurious than the D.C. jail should it be needed; and a fabulous and very best in the world golf course where her honor may enjoy discounted green fees. If not Mar-A-Lago, then I have a world’s best golf course in Scotland. This is my last offer, Judge Chutkan!” She is said to be giving his offer serious consideration, given her avid interest in swimming and golf.