Happy Holidays! The House GOP Sucker Punches the President, Their Own Senate Republican Colleagues, and the American People

December 20, 2011

I’m listening to CNN as the deplorable House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor (R-VA), talks about the House vote, just made, to force a conference on HR 3630, the payroll tax and unemployment extension proposal. Legislative proposals must pass both the House and the Senate in identical forms to meet constitutional requirements. A conference committee is an often-used method to reach a compromise between competing House and Senate proposals. Regarding HR 3630, Cantor and his Tea Party Congressloons did not accept the Senate version of HR 3630 that sought a two month semi-solution/compromise to the difficulties posed by widely divergent House and Senate HR 3630s. How divergent? The Senate version of HR 3630 was 34 pages. The House? 370 pages. Now that’s divergent. And yes, senators kicked the can down the road. But yes, a kick is better than a stomp that was, with few exceptions, the House version of HR 3630.

Of course, since the House leadership (apparently now putatively led by Cantor, not Boehner, the de facto Speaker) and Tea Partiers desire nothing more than loading up the payroll tax/unemployment benefit legislation with poison pills, they naturally want a conference, not to resolve issues, but to create more delay through intransigence. Also, counterintuitively, and counterproductively, they hope to embarrass the GOP Senate, with whom they now appear to be in open conflict. I worked on Capitol Hill with members of both Houses of Congress for a nearly a quarter century, and I understand this internecine warfare. It’s part of the expanding and contracting of relative strength within parties. It’s used by both sides, yet never so irresponsibly, capriciously, and aggressively as the present GOP House. Conservatives? Revolutionaries.

After reaching agreement on the two-month extension, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and the rest of the bunch left town last Saturday vowing to not discuss anything until the House approves the two-month extension. A few minutes ago, that possibility vanished. So, who knows what’s next? The conference committee, perhaps before January 1st? Well, whenever it convenes, in the end, the House conferees will characteristically shout “Havoc!” and unleash their yapping dogs. In the end, the conference will likely be as useful and unsuccessful as was the vaunted Supercommittee. . . Yadda Yadda Yadda . .

More Insult, More Injury. What really rankles though is Cantor and other GOP Congressloons using against him the President’s encouragement of a year-long extension of the payroll tax cut and unemployment insurance. Remember, the Senate just passed the two-month solution with GOP support, including Mitch McConnell who agrees with nothing but unseating President Obama in November 2012. This bipartisan agreement was a major achievement. Today, the House GOP, however, refused to agree, not with Democrats, but with its own Senate minority. In any event, after packing the House proposal with poison pills, and then passing it over the administration’s objections, you are at least morally prohibited from trying to obscure your dishonesty by trying to implicate the president in your plans, as Cantor does now when he says, “even the President wanted a full year solution, so we’re simply doing what the president requested.” That is the very definition of flapdoodle.

The one-year extension Cantor refers to was simply the cherry on the top, not the underlying “cake” of what the President advocated for. He – and then the Senate with a huge plurality – reached a simple solution, for now, not a final solution, forever. The Senate produced what was rational, providing 34 pages of simple language to close the gap for the holidays and thereby keep the payroll tax reduction in place until Congress returns in late January. Then, there’s time to battle. The House, with neither embarrassment nor honesty, and with insincere Tea Party Christmas spirit, handed the President, their own senate colleagues, and the American people their own HR 3630, a 370 page insult, with a cherry of injury atop.

The Anthony Weiner Underpants Probe — Breaking News: Senatorial Underpants Pop Up in Harry Reid’s Twitter Account!

June 15, 2011

WHOOPS, There It Is!  In the wake of NY Congressman Anthony Weiner’s Twitter woes, in the wee hours of Friday morning things got worse. Lots worse. Not for Mr. Weiner, but for the U.S. Senate. At 1:00 am (EDST) before a solemn and sleepy Washington D.C. press corps, the Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid (D-NV), announced that his Twitter account had logged 12 tweets from 12 senators. Each tweet featured “a picture of the legislator in his underpants.” Reid then promised “to investigate quickly, before a bunch of basically inanimate senatorial reproductive organs sully the entire Senate’s moral reputation. I have already called on Minority Leader McConnell to assist me in this effort.” At present, however, Reid told reporters that he “firmly believes” that the dozen senators involved “acted alone, as individuals. God help us should we discover a coordinated congressional cabal of penis poppers in the people’s house.”

He continued, clearly embarrassed, “I cannot understand this. The median age of the offending senators is in the mid-70s, and due to advancing age, many have not, shall we say, ‘noticed’ their own reproductive organs for many years. Why then this flurry of activity?”

U.S. Senate Psychiatrist Opines. Reid then introduced the Senate psychiatric team Director, Dr. Drew Edwards, who speculated, “Although the team has yet to forensically examine the 12 [senators], we suspect the sudden appearance of Congressman Weiner’s difficulties pushed these senators’ innate competitiveness to levels they could not suppress. For example, Senator Reid’s office informed us that some of these senators will run for re-election in 2012. Seeing the attention Congressman Weiner has captured, they may have considered his alleged tweet a savvy political move, and simply copied it. Since the first Congress, the two bodies have pursued a lively competition. Mr. Weiner’s leadership role in this issue area likely caused a state of deep discomfort among senators, which may have unleashed the dragons within. In any event, the mental health team plans to move quickly. And perhaps through the agency of elderly senators’ underpants and penises we shall learn more about how to prevent this inexplicable behavior that has the Senate in its grip . . .”

Mr. Reid, however, applauded Edwards’s plans to examine the inner workings of certain senators’ heads. Addressing Dr. Edwards, he offered “hands-on support to the Senate Mental Health Directorate. I will bypass the rigid Senate rules implemented during the Clinton era – rules dealing directly with underpants, penises, and other suchlike sex organs and the things they do.”

As for the federal budget discussions, the debt limit battle, and the “various wars we’re in all the damned time,” Reid declared, “these issues will be put aside indefinitely so that the Senate may concentrate all its attention on the senators’ underpants.”

GOP Minority Leader McConnell Displays Rigidity. On the other side of the aisle, Republicans, Senate and House, were silent, although many legislators witnessed freshmen congressmen and congresswomen giggling, and consequently wetting themselves.

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY), the Minority Leader was, however, far from silent, accusing Senator Reid and Senate Democrats of trying to “push the ball down the road on the budget and debt ceiling.” He went on, “Senator Reid demands that I view these underpants tweets. My duty is clear when the Majority Leader speaks. I shall view these images. I shall do so, however, without the Majority Leader or any staff present. I will examine these emails, or tweeties, or whatever they are called, very closely. Moreover, I intend to review the disgusting images again and again until my duties are exhaustively discharged. But I shall not enjoy it.”

After pausing a few moments to rest, catch his breath, and adjust his pants, Senator McConnell went on, “This underpants brouhaha is a false issue, badly delaying the Senate’s legislative duties. Today, however, I must peer into the private life of 12 senators, their underpants, and their clothed peni. The Founders of our great nation mentioned neither underpants nor peni in the Constitution. But the Majority Leader insists. Underpants! Underpants! Peni! Peni! I’ve said enough. Despite my constitutional objections, out of respect for the Majority Leader, this very day in his office, I shall vigorously investigate, and carefully investigate 12 senatorial underpants.” 

House GOP to Senate Dems: “Let Us Put You in A Brand New Budget Today!!”

February 25, 2011

“Since I Like You, I’ll Rent Ya Dis Gorgeous Auto-mo-bile Without Wheels for Four Billion Bucks a Month!”  That’s the kind of deal offered this week to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Senate Democrats by the House GOP to keep the government up and running for another month.  To call this a “budget impasse” is like finding an elephant in your living room and calling it a “pet.” This budget elephant did not arrive overnight, so some background follows.

The continuing appropriations bill (HR 1) to fund the government for the remainder of FY 2011 (through September 30, 2011) passed the House with a big yawn at 4:40 a.m. last Saturday.  When presented with HR 1, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid released a statement that began like this: “Now that House Republicans have gotten this vote out of their system, I hope they will drop the threats of shutting down the government and work with the Senate on responsible cuts that allow our nation’s economic recovery to continue . . . “

That’s shorthand for “HR 1 is DOA.”  Reid reacted by tasking 38-year Senate appropriations committee veteran, Daniel Inouye (HI), now Chairman, to prepare “a clean Continuing Resolution that I [Reid] can bring to the floor next week. . . This bill will include the $41 billion in budget cuts that Democrats and Republicans agreed to in December, and will keep the government running for 30 days while both sides can negotiate a common-sense, long-term solution.”

Up Your Cuts!  Although Reid indicated the short-term resolution would include the $41 billion in budget cuts that Democrats and Republicans agreed to in December, savvy observers say that’s not likely. For example, during a press conference with Reid, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said, “We know the one month levels won’t be permanent. They just allow for a neutral level while we negotiate.” “Neutral level” would seem to rule out those $41 Billion in cuts. Reid did not distance himself from that.

Additionally, Reid has said that he will not accept any of the riders or changes in legislation included in the House bill, such as policy measures that defund Planned Parenthood or rescind the EPA’s authority to regulate pollution. This stance itself is key, since the GOP-dominated House added these riders to enact, through the back door of a Continuing Resolution, critical portions of its social and deregulation agenda. The Senate Democrats will have nothing of this, nor will President Obama (at least that’s what both have thus far stated, yet recall the cave-in for the Bush tax cuts extension last December).

Right Turn Only!   In any event, House RepubliCutters have their own plans and they don’t include Harry Reid. Last Tuesday, replying to Reid, John Boehner communicated, “If Senator Reid refuses to bring [HR 1] to a vote, then the House will pass a short-term bill to keep the government running – one that also cuts spending.”

The spending cuts Boehner refers to are a prorated share of the $61 Billion in cuts already included in the House-passed HR 1. Yes, the same cuts that Reid has already rejected. So, now, Reid will accept them?  Basically, Boehner’s saying, “I’m off to the golf course. Call me when you come to my senses.” Reid will not and should not. The House GOP price for “compromise” is the pro-rated share of $61 Billion for those thirty days of the short-term CR. . . Such a deal! 

So, within nine days of a government shutdown, both sides seem to be going places, but not in the usual sense of the phrase. Firstly, they fled the crucial work here in D.C. for a weeklong holiday, officially known as a “Constituent Work Week,” i.e. seven days of grab-handing, rubber-chicken-eating, Boy-Scout-saluting, and money-grubbing.  Secondly, when they return, it’s certain Dems and GOPs be going in opposite directions until the last possible moment when the last poll is released rating the public’s feelings about a government shutdown.  Both sides have a lot to lose.  Let’s not forget Newt Gingrich’s shutdown gambit . . . Who’ll blink first this time?

A Call for Budget Bipartisanship! Let’s Stop Express Mailing Empty Containers!

February 24, 2011

Why not schedule a vote on this today, Speaker Boehner?! Senator Reid, here’s something you can stand up for! That is, if you were in town . . . Ah well, when you get back, make the item below – from the President’s 2012 budget proposal – a separate bill and pass it immediately. Rally the country!

Below – it’s not a joke – is an item from the TERMINATIONS, REDUCTIONS, AND SAVINGS portion of the proposed 2012 federal budget. And it’s a test of the so-called new age of civility. Can we all agree on this provision?

OTHER SAVINGS: STOP THE EXPRESS DELIVERY OF EMPTY CONTAINERS Department of Agriculture

     “A Department of Agriculture (USDA) employee within the Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) stated that ‘each day many laboratory samples are sent out through Fed Ex express, next day service. While it is important to get our samples to the lab as quickly as possible, it is not as important to get the container back. The laboratory sends the sample box back to the originator by the same express method.’ The employee suggests that FSIS could save money by having those boxes shipped back through regular ground service. USDA agrees and is asking FSIS to ship empty sample containers by standard service.

     FSIS currently collects approximately 125,000 samples per year by sending laboratory sample packages from the inspection facility to one of three Agency field labs. The Agency estimates that it costs $15.00 per round trip or a total cost of $1,875,000 for shipping alone. If the Agency started shipping back the laboratory sample packages by ground, it believes it could save approximately $350,000 in 2012.

Justification. The assumptions are that the one-way return of the five-pound package costs an average of $6.14 to ship overnight and if shipped by ground, the cost falls to an average of $3.48 or a savings of $2.66 per shipment. This program will be launched in January 2011 providing an estimated 2011 savings of $150,000.”

“Justification . . . DUH!”
  We all applaud the USDA employee who thought of this – really, they ought to provide his/her name. I’m going to ask USDA whether a monetary award followed . . . and if their budget permitted any awards at all . . .

Come what may, how about passing along the savings to the 99ers, i.e., those out of work for more than 99 weeks and ineligible for further unemployment insurance benefits?  Now there’s a non-starter, eh, Speaker Boehner?