Note: The always dependable Texas congressloon, Louie Gohmert, spends much of his time studying logic, and in 2011 he “logicked” about spoons and firearms. In my earlier version of this blog (2007-2017) I posted what follows as an explanation to my many readers, obviously not logicians, who failed to follow his meaning. I post this again here in commemoration and admiration of Mr. Gohmert’s demonstration of logic. Read it and learn.
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“We have spoons that are too big and too numerous.
It’s not the spoons that make people fat
and it’s not the guns that kill people,
it’s people that kill people.”
Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX), January 2011
Try taking down a wart hog with a spoon. Spoons do not have triggers, so, unlike bullets expelled from guns at high velocity, spoons cannot kill a wart hog from a distance of more than approximately three inches and not without an abnormal amount of exertion on the attacker’s part and an equally abnormal passivity on the wart hog’s part. Without a doubt, a spoon-armed attack on a wart hog is a nasty task, as I found out. I still wake up running through the neighborhood screaming like a guy in a Wes Craven movie.
I looked this up. In any event, statistics bear out the Congressloon’s observations: In the United States, from 1990 to date the number of accidental deaths/homicides/suicides by spoon are obviously swamped by bullet-related deaths. Swamped. (Although, please note, I do not wish to imply that spoon crimes and negligence ought to remain unaddressed.) Also, from the FBI website, arrests in the 50 states for carrying a concealed spoon track quite closely Health and Human Services data on obesity and obesity-related violent deaths, think spoons.
Try eating a pudding with a bullet. I did so, forthrightly testing Congressman Gohmert’s logical argument. For a full 10 minutes, using a highly recommended Remington 9mm 124 grain FMJ (full metal jacket) bullet, I attacked a 12 oz. bowl of room temperature pudding. I was able to stuff the concoction into my gullet, but the bullet’s small size caused me to consume far less pudding than I had in the pre-test. Clearly, this validates the Congressman’s observations.
I hope this helps and never forget:
All men are mortal.
Louie Gohmert is a man.
Therefore, all men are Louie Gohmert


