U.S. District Judge Tanya S. Chutkan on Wednesday denied Donald Trump’s demand that she recuse herself from his federal election interference case. She wrote in a court order that Trump’s attorneys applied a “hypersensitive, cynical, and suspicious” reading of statements she made during her sentencing of two Jan6 Capitol insurgency defendants, charging her with bias against Trump.
These rulings are enormously difficult to overrule, yet Trump, of course, vows an appeal. “He’s not stupid, though,” his lawyer, John Laura asserted, “and we have a Plan B. We will ask for a hearing to recuse President Donald Trump from all charges in this case based upon Judge Chutkan’s court order issued today that denied our request that she recuse. Let me explain.” Yes, please do.
“We will accomplish our goal by using Judge Chutkan’s own recusal guidelines. In her ruling, she explained that to recuse herself she had to ‘display a deep-seated favoritism or antagonism that would make fair judgment impossible.’ She (falsely) claimed that she did not. President Trump, however, by his behavior regarding the charges against him has inarguably met that recusal challenge, and all charges must be recused.
“President Trump has at all times shown ‘a deep-seated . . . antagonism’ and unalterable bias against the charges he faces in Judge Chutkan’s court and about Judge Chutkan herself. On his highly successful platform, Truth Social, he routinely posts harshly antagonistic, patently inappropriate, and wildly scatological comments, for example, ‘WITCH HUNT!’; ‘IF YOU GO AFTER ME I WILL COME AFTER YOU!’; and, directed at Judge Chutkan, ‘Your mamma wears combat boots!’ These are slurs of the worst kind that he repeats ad nauseum. President Trump, by Judge Chutkan’s own reasoning in her court order today, ‘conducted himself in a manner supporting disqualification [i.e., recusal] … by clear and convincing evidence.’ If President Trump’s behavior does not meet the recusal guidelines set out in Judge Chutkan’s well-reasoned court order then one wonders what would?
“Finally, Judge Chutkan wrote, ‘Unbiased, impartial adjudicators are the cornerstone of any system of justice worthy of the label,’ and the ‘extraordinary’ relief of recusal should not be ‘lightly granted.’ We agree with her. To justify the recusal of all charges in this case we have inarguably proved that President Trump’s behavior is so egregious, so harmful, and so disgusting that the high bar of ‘extraordinary’ relief is met, and then some. Therefore, we demand that Judge Chutkan immediately recuse all charges pending against President Trump and as punitive damages she make a sincere apology to President Trump and to the nation for wasting valuable campaign time for the sake of a POLITICAL WITCH HUNT!”
Yes, her again. In her Beetlejuice fiasco apology, Rep. Lauren Boebert lied about an important aspect of her “date night” at the musical Beetlejuice, akin to an inconvenient fact. As a general rule, lying when you’re professing to tell the truth is a bad idea. This is doubly true for Lauren Boebert, a habitual liar; her lies are easily fact-checked. Inside and out of the Capitol building shetellswhoppers. Moreover, lying when issuing a statement seeking sympathy adds another dimension to just plain lying – stupidity (which she’s famously done before). If, like Boebert, you are in the professional class of liars, one must be vigilant: don’t lie stupidly. As we wrote about Trump here, that makes things significantly worse, witness Seinfeld’sGeorge Costanza.
In this case, her apology gave the clear impression that her date at Beetlejuice was a casual affair, seemingly a first date. She gave credence to that by avowing, with a tinge of humor, “I learned to check party affiliations before you go on a date,” as in, “I didn’t know he was a Democrat.” In fact, she knew him and his party of choice quite well: Quinn Gallagher, 46, a Democrat and co-owner of Hooch Craft Cocktail Bar which has hosted drag shows and pro-LGBTQ+ events. Importantly to this saga, they had been dating for some time, “under the radar.”
Seriously?
Is this worth grousing about? Well, yes, a qualified yes, let’s not get carried away. Her lie is small compared to her still active lies about the 2020 election, and LGBTQ+ “grooming.” What’s important here is that Boebert lied about her relationship with Gallagher. Why hide it? Was it due to his co-ownership of a bar that hosts drag queen shows and LBGTQ+ events? She’s no friend to that community, having said this about the Equality Act :
It’s likely that she didn’t want any inconvenient facts to muddy her somewhat humorous apology to her constituents. So, she reflexively lied about the relationship with Gallagher by styling it like a first date simply to try to bury the other, more politically dangerous, inconvenient fact that her date co-owns an LGBTQ+-friendly bar. Some of her constituents may not applaud her for that, and her bid for reelection is none too certain already. She’s been, overall, an embarrassment, now this. In 2022 she won by a mere 546 votes, and in late August polls show her in a dead-heat with her challenger,Adam Frisch.
And as mentioned above, it’s stupid lying, easily uncovered by simple googling, and that is why it matters more than a garden variety white lie. She ought to be careful, in a close reelection race, all lies are worthy of careful vetting.
Rep. Lauren Boebert has had enough of people interrupting her when she exercises her constitutional rights. And after recently being escorted out of a Denver performance of the musical “Beetlejuice” for “disruptive behavior” she’s doing something about it. Introduced this morning, the Unleash Lauren Boebert Act (ULBA) was accompanied by a spokesperson’s explanation:
Lauren Boebert attends the musical “Oklahoma!”
“Congresswoman Lauren Boebert today introduces legislation to enforce her constitutional rights. The abrupt and illegal way that she was escorted out of a Bettlejuice musical performance has shocked the nation. Let’s review the reason for this unconstitutional outrage. She and her date were simply enjoying the musical in the same way we all do: by vaping, singing along with the music, clapping in rhythm, and energetically dancing while showing her appreciation of the cast by shouting ‘Whoop! Whoop!! Whoop!!!’ When she happily attempted to join the cast onstage, security thugs directed her to leave the theater. Not wanting to cause a disturbance she and her date quietly complied.
The Unleash Lauren Boebert Act, or ULBA, will forevermore enforce Ms. Boebert’s right to happiness, as set out in the Declaration of Independence. In addition, it reinforces her first amendment right to free speech and dance, however lewd, loud, and inappropriate according to freedom hating communists. Freedom means freedom, especially since no physical injuries were inflicted on members of the audience. This legislation will allow the congresswoman to behave in a way that she believes leads to her happiness. This includes all federal, state, or community theaters for any performance where she is present including memorial services, grade school plays, church performances, and State of the Union speeches. Violations will include fines and considerable jail time. Ms. Boebert demands that the mealy mouthed Speaker of the House move this to a vote without delay, or else. Mr. Speaker, unleash Lauren Boebert! Thank you. I will take no questions, absolutely none.”
Mark Meadows, Trump’s alleged henchman in the effort to illegally reverse his 2020 loss in Georgia, got some bad news a day ago: his effort to have his case moved from Georgia to federal court was denied quickly and summarily by the local Federal District Court. Meadows’s reasoning was that his actions in the event were, in brief, part and parcel of his job as Chief-of-Staff. Under federal law, he argued, his case belonged in federal court because the law “allows people charged with crimes while carrying out their official duties to be prosecuted in federal court, even in cases involving state law and state prosecutors.” Thereby, he thought, his case would be immediately dismissed, and then, back to writing his memoirs. The district court thought otherwise about his characterization of state election interference as merely part of his job as Trump’s Chief-0f-Staff.
Meadows, his chances of moving to federal court diminishing (he did appeal to the 5th Circuit Court), thought of an off-ramp that would allow a Georgia court to decide his case but not the court where prosecutor Fani Willis awaits him. His spokesperson explained:
“At the outset, we maintain that the charges placed against Mr. Meadows are relatively minor, a few phone calls to friends in Georgia, casual discussions really. A text message or two. A friendly visit to the state. These are not felonies regardless of what the state’s laws might imply. At best, they are minor matters much like routine traffic offenses.
Therefore, Mr. Meadows is today filing a lawsuit in the local Fulton County court to have his trial removed to the Fulton County Traffic Court. There Mr. Meadows will admit he accidentally veered out of his lane, thereby crossing briefly into the path of oncoming traffic. Perhaps he was distracted by his cell phone. We all have this happen. Every day. I myself had to take a call on my drive to court today. I barely missed squashing an elderly nun in a crosswalk, but my point is, I missed her and she went on about her day as if nothing had occurred. No blood, no foul.
Suppose we were all held accountable for each minor bit of accidental reckless driving in the wrong lane or a pedestrian crosswalk? Why, all of us would be in court every day! Calls would go unanswered, national commerce would shut down, dogs and cats would go hungry, children would panic, our elders would fall out! We look forward to a speedy resolution of the matter in traffic court, and are prepared to accept the small fine imposed for what was, at best, a momentary glitch in Mr. Meadows’s sterling driving record.”
On her first day as teacher of Donald Trump’s nursery school, 21 year old Annie Kirkman, reluctantly crowned him as class president, vice president, attorney general, and chief justice of the class judicial system. She also agreed to designate him as “boss” of all rules, homework assignments, Lego use permits, and recess.
Annie Kirkman and Class Assistant Susan Meadows
“He was just so orange, and so charismatic and, well, psychopathic, I really had no choice,” said Miss Kirkman who was surrounded by his henchpersons wielding heavy Legos and juice cups. “And he threatened to fire me on the spot, and replace me with my class assistant, so what could I do? Also, four out of ten pupils supported him, and that, with me and my assistant, makes a majority. My nursery school is a democracy!”
“He chased me around the classroom,” reported Class Assistant Susan Meadows, “yelling things I’d only heard before from yucky 40 year old creepy men. Of course, I fully defend his first amendment right to express himself!”
Detention Master Valenti
Trump reported Miss Meadows for insubordination to the Commandant of the Corps of Cadets, Tony Valenti, who gave her a full week of round-the-clock detention in his office at the New York Military Academy where she will perform duties related to his needs.
Master Trump’s presidential portrait does indicate a certain determination and level of psychosis that promises just the right mix to lead a nursery school in the 21st century. We wish President Trump and the New York City Military Academy Nursery School Class of 2023-24 well!
Today, ProPublica revealed that Justice Clarence Thomas enjoyed more than 38 vacations and accepted many other unethical gifts over the past 30 years, all gratis and unreported. In effect, he’s a one man travel agency. ProPublica wrote:
“At least 38 destination vacations, including a previously unreported voyage on a yacht around the Bahamas; 26 private jet flights, plus an additional eight by helicopter; a dozen VIP passes to professional and college sporting events, typically perched in the skybox; two stays at luxury resorts in Florida and Jamaica; and one standing invitation to an uber-exclusive golf club overlooking the Atlantic coast.”
Recently, we highlighted Justice Sam Alito’s free Alaskan fishing trip provided by billionaire Paul Singer. According to ProPublica’s initial expose of April 2023, Thomas accepted dozens of more expensive offers of “hospitality” from billionaire Harlan Crow than what we know thus far about Alito who characterized the trip as nonreportable “hospitality.”
Today’s ProPublica report extends further, and Thomas apparently is the Chief Justice for Hospitality of our highest court. These new revelations have restoked the fires of criticism, some calling for penalties like IRS audits and impeachment.
“Perfectly suited for the job, indeed.”
Here at They Will Say ANYTHING! we discovered that Justice Thomas may now be aware that his silent noncooperation is a double edged sword. He has, it appears, confounded his critics by stating bluntly his advantage of life tenure; his position within a coequal branch of government; his absolute need for frequent vacations which he cannot afford; his political “read” on the long odds of a successful impeachment; and, finally, his general damned cussedness. He’s been a tough competitor. . . until, perhaps, these new ProPublica revelations. After all, his protective sword has two edges, one to defend, one to injure himself via overconfidence. Even he, lolling in entitlement, may think that this time he may sooner or later be looking for another job.
Our reporter, Matt Shultz, spoke today with a member of the Judicial Conference, Chief Judge Jonathon Simpson, of the D.C. Circuit to discuss today’s ProPublica bombshell report. The Judicial Conference is the Judiciary’s entity that “considers administrative and policy issues affecting the federal court system . . .”
Shultz filed this report of his interview of Judge Simpson at the Capitol Building restaurant The Disgruntled Toad:
Matt Shultz (MS): Welcome to the Disgruntled Toad, Judge Simpson! Have you been drinking, or is it me?
Judge Simpson (JS): I believe, Matt, that it is you based upon the fact that you are sitting on the floor.
MS: The Toad serves a powerful Vengeful Donkey . . . But let’s get on with this. Apologies, but I can’t get off the floor . . . But let’s get on with this . . . The topic is Justice Clarence Thomas. Anything to say?
JS: Indeed. Indeed. Justice Thomas has a luxurious lifestyle, certainly, And that is not unethical unless he lives his self-styled lifestyle based upon, for example, accepting and not reporting the donor’s hospitality. It is true here, with us, I contend, and I shall report this fine dinner of the Toad Burger.
MS: I thought this was Dutch treat . . .
JS: Indeed, you did, and I appreciate your hospitality.
MS: OK, OK . . . but no dessert and no Toad tee shirt! Shall we get on with this?
JS: I thought we were ‘getting on with this. Indeed. Are you any closer to being able to get off the floor and into a chair?
MS: OK. I’ll jump right in. The way I see it, Judge Thomas is in a supersized bag of [curse word]! This is the second time in a few months he’s been caught shimmying himself into rank and ugly hospitality! Just like I’m the donor of this dinner. You’re shimmying!
JS: Not accurate. You called me and did not inform me of your intent to cause me to make any contribution monetarily.
Was It Worth the Extra Dessert and Tee Shirt?
MS: I don’t understand your legalese, but I resent it anyway. Look, let’s get on with this. So what do you think about Judge Thomas’s hospitality grift? Do you think he’s in a state of meltdown? Would you pay for his dinner here? Like the dozens of billionaires who hospitalitied him for 30 years. These are people who might have court matters before the Supreme Court! He himself has barely noticed the anger of the American people! How would you punish this behavior?
JS: Regrettably, I agree that the Justice is tormented by, as you say, the “American people.” I wish I could do something to assuage his mind. Indeed.
MS: So that’s it? Let’s cry real tears for a grifter?
JS: I am simply remaining neutral and balanced so that in the end I do not truly voice or opine any judgement at all. I, too, must remain fair and balanced.
MS: Well, I presently have no notes on this interview in-name-only. But answer me this? If Judge Thomas is ultimately ousted or successfully impeached, and then definitely hospitality starved, would you offer him a job?
JS: I would but your insistence on no dessert has led to a state of low blood sugar . . . . and would my words be off the record?
MS: OK, dessert’s on me, as always happens on interviews with lawyers . . . oh, and doctors. Would you offer Judge Thomas a job . . . or an internship at the Judicial Conference? Oh, but at They Will Say ANYTHING! we don’t do ‘off the record.” If I throw in a second dessert . . . and a Disgruntled Toad tee shirt?
“Your Hospitality Causes Me to Weep”
We know why this man is laughing . . .
JS: Indeed. Your hospitality causes me to weep. So, yes, of course I would offer, then, former Justice Thomas a highly significant job. And that is something he has extraordinary experience over more than 30 years, and “off the record,’ I have already had a very satisfactory conversation with Justice Thomas. He is extraordinarily in a ‘Yes’ state of mind. The judicial system has for years not offered many services for judges who seek hospitality, or to realize their vacation dreams. Therefore, as the head of a new department at the Judicial Conference this, then, former justice would, I believe, accept the title Chief of Hospitality and Judicial Travel Agent.
JM: So rather than correcting the problems visited on the court’s reputation, your plan is to allow Clarence Thomas to regularize hospitality grift for the entire federal judiciary.
JS: Indeed. And Clarence has great strength in coordinating complex donor hospitality offers to sitting judges. Taking such coordinating activities off the tired shoulders of judges, both male and female, by the way, would free them up to do more judging. It’s as you say, ‘a no brainer!” A good relationship with hospitality is owed to federal judges, and Clarence would create a streamlined automated matching service that will, indeed, create a happy judiciary. And no court, obviously, would declare this activity unconstitutional.
MS: You know, that is an enticing job. I wish I were a grifting Supreme Court justice . . .
JS: Indeed, my good man, indeed! Was that off the record information not well worth the extra dessert and tee shirts?
MS: Tee shirt, singular, not plural! Meaning one!! Dammit!
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“Is he married? Hmm…..”
One day after she had displayed photos of Hunter Biden’s penis at a committee hearing, Rep. Margorie Taylor Greene delivered a five minute speech in the House chamber. She explained, “I want to clear up and shut up the bullsh*t criticism I’ve suffered” because of the incident.”
We cannot report her words in their entirety as this is a family-friendly publication. She did, however, use well-known vocabulary and slang for the word “penis” over 100 times during her comments. Among them – recalled from her memory alone – were:
Schlong
Summer Sausage
Baloney Pony
Frozen Pigtail
Happy Snappy Doodle
MAGA Slamma
Alabama Beef Bayonet
Boebert Bitch Pacifier
Senator Dickens of Delaware
Participation Trophy
Boebert Lolly
Danger Noodle
Southern Fried Quiver Bone
General Picket’s Charger
Louisiana Anaconda Ragin’ Cajun
The Shaved Pork Doodad
Boebert Baster
MAGA Turkey Baster
Mississippi Barbecue Banana
Confederate Broom Handle
Genera Lee’s Salami Sword
Boebert Loofa Woofa
Insurrectionist Pile Driver
MAGA Get Into Jail Card
(and multiple dozens more)
Southern pride I am.
The handful of non-penis slang terms were few; we counted less than 50. These were directed at Hunter Biden’s lawyers and members of the House Ethics Committee to whom Biden’s lawyers had filed a complaint. Piecing the non-penis words together, she maintained that –
I have a sh*t load of [penis slang] [penis slang] pics of tiny [penis slang] of certain [penis slang] lawyers’ and ethics committee members’ [penis slang] that would be very embarrassing to them. Their [penis slang] are smaller than my chihuahua’s [penis slang], and he’s small for a chihuahua. [penis slang] Pics of [penis slang] like that sometimes appear on national tv. It’s fuc*ing sad but true.
Veiled threat to Hunter Biden’s Lawyers and House Ethics Committee Members
We shall continue to report on this controversy, especially because it involves blood-sucking lawyers’ and congressmens’ [penis slang].
This story begins, “He kicked me in the balls as soon as I opened the door!” Who? What? When? Where? How? In this case the who, the kicker, was allegedly James Cashman, a Wayne County GOP official desperately trying to attend a closed committee meeting; the what is still unresolved since we’re in a he-said; he-said situation; the when was last Saturday, and the where was in Clare County, Michigan in a local hotel. The how is, allegedly, with his foot. His being Mr. Chapman’s. The groin in question was attached to Mark DeYoung, chairman of the Clare County Republican Party, who was hosting the closed meeting.
Balls aside, that was only the beginning, the Daily Beast reported the suit and tie demi carnage:
Mr. DeYoung crotch strengthening for next bout.
“DeYoung [claimed] that Chapman allegedly ran at him and slammed him into a chair. But Chapman swears that DeYoung started it, saying the chairman swung at him and said, ‘I’ll kick your ass.’ DeYoung denies those claims. Continuing the fight, Chapman removed his glasses and took DeYoung down by the legs. ‘When you see me taking my glasses off, I’m ready to rock,’ he said. Several officers were called to respond to the brawl. DeYoung, who said he’s being treated for a broken rib, said he plans to press charges against Chapman.” Moreover, They Will Say ANYTHING! can report, one of the few GOP party officials still standing chimed in as he ran out the door, “Next meeting, we’re renting out a hospital emergency room!”
Thus began – and apparently ended – a Michigan GOP state committee meeting. Oh! The humanity! The bout was reported as MAGA vs. Ultra-MAGA, no indication yet as to which cage fighter was which. We do know that Mr. “Ball Crusher” Chapman was suspended from his position pending a hearing to determine his fate, will he remain in the lightweight division or be kicked out of the sport completely.
Try outs for GOP brawling team
Speaking of sport, “It’s a lucrative endeavor,” Michigan’s Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer pointed out when briefed about the fracas. “I understand that the state GOP is running in the red financially and, of course, politically. Their donors are cancelling the checks. So perhaps they ought to consider staging these crowd pleasing beat downs as pay-per-view opportunities to raise money. Who wouldn’t enjoy watching them knock each others teeth out?”
From Gov. Whitmer’s mouth to their ears. After all, this isn’t the first time this year that GOP insiders went head to head. Oh! The Humanity! Coming soon to ESPN and to a hospital near you.
Joe Biden’s mental state is a recurring theme in critics of his decision to seek a second term by MAGA folks (and some Democrats). Admittedly, he has memory flubbed noticeably, for example, last week mistaking Iraq for Ukraine and, same day, India for China. Nevertheless, Trump confuses reality with fantasy on a minute-by-minute basis. Pence may have “caught” some of that disablement since he spent far too much time in Trump’s presence than God ought to have thought necessary. On display recently were his many denials that Trump never pressured him to influence state governors to use their powers to – well, basically – overturn the results of the 2020 election enabling the appointment of pro Trump alternate electors.
Trust me on this one.
“No, I don’t remember any pressure,” he claimed when asked on Face the Nation last Sunday about his call to Arizona’s Governor Doug Ducey. He claims this was a stop and chat: “I did check in, with not only Gov. Ducey, but other governors and states that were going through the legal process of reviewing their election results,” and “this was about information gathering, finding out what was going on.” In sum, he explained, “In the days of November and December, this was an orderly process,. You remember there were more than 60 lawsuits underway. States were engaging in appropriate reviews, and these contacts were no more than that.”
This seems unlikely and certainly not Trump’s interest in just innocent “information gathering.” Without a doubt, Trump was only interested in whether Governor Ducey (and other governors Pence called) were going to refuse to certify the results – the true results – of the elections. Trump has only the mildest concern about “information” in any situation, he’s always looking to advance the grift. What he surely wanted to know was “What the hell is Ducey going to do? Have we got him on the hook? That’s why I had you call him!” Pence when reporting to Trump knew this and almost certainly discussed the state of affairs in Arizona with Ducey, perhaps with all the slyness that Pence can often marshal.
Was there another explanation? Above I wrote that Pence “certainly” understood Trump’s motivations. Perhaps not. After all, Trump has a virtuoso’s command of mendacity, the ability to demand something be done without actually stating in detail what it is, as he did during his January 6th speech diatribe when, trying to avoid actually stating in detail that he wanted the crowd to violently attack the Capitol. With many rhetorical flourishes he unleashed his baying hounds to “fight like hell.” As Shakespeare’s Marc Anthony exhorted the crowd memorializing Caesar’s murder, Trump suggested the equivalent: “Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!” Trump knew it; the crowd knew it. Sadly, unless one actually says, “Go and burn down the Capitol, and I’m not kidding,” the First Amendment is very often too weak to call a spade a spade. Trump knows this from long experience.
But back to Pence, as he was armed with thorough knowledge of Trump’s ways and means, did he miss his meaning? Did he think he was simply “information gathering” without awareness of Trump’s underlying demands? Is Pence that vapid, that dumb? To answer the question posed by this post, did he not understand he was being pressured? Vapid, he is. Dumb, he is. It’s hard to believe, though, that an experienced politician could be imbued with such childlike innocence, isn’t it?
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
Pence knew. Now that he’s running against Trump for the presidency, we wonder, why hasn’t he taken advantage of the opportunity and squealed, “Gosh darn it, I did feel pressured, mightily!” Well, he’s also very frightened about offending Trump and his MAGAts, as most candidates are, even when ratting him out might be to his (and their) benefit. Pence and Trump’s other rivals are so far behind in polls that it seems none too soon to test it out. As it is, for Pence, Trump’s lies have, for a variety of reasons, forced him to lie as well.
P.S. One notable exception in the GOP presidential primary field, Chris Christie, has taken the bit and is attacking Trump on every occasion he’s offered a microphone, and his criticisms are, like Trump’s, of the schoolyard bully variety. He’s well under 10% in polls, GOP voters hate him by and large, but recently he’s gained what (losing candidates) often call “traction.” Nonetheless, Christie’s macho matches Trump’s and MAGAts like nothing more than a good brawl. It’s the first real opening I’ve witnessed for a contender, and although Christie was manhandled in the 2016 primary season, this ain’t 2016 or 2020. . . . Chris Christie is a rat-out kind of guy. Go Christie?!
